are some tips and hints for life.. I thought I'd share, to try to help
some people make life a little easier. .. If they can help just
one person, its worth sharing.
|1. Whip cream will improve the taste
of almost anything.
2 Don't take a nap at 5 in the afternoon. You will never be able to sleep at night until, of course, it is time to get up. Then you will be asleep.
3. Even if you are about to fall down the stairs, it is rude to use your friends to catch yourself -- especially if that means you push them down the stairs with you.
4. Do not spill Coke all over the floor. It gets really sticky. It is more acceptable if the floor is tile rather than carpet, but, still, not so great an idea.
5. It is good to remain conscious (and awake, even) while driving at 80 mph down the highway.
6. If you are clumsy, cool Band-Aids are a worthwhile investment. Cartoon characters on a boo-boo makes it feel so much better somehow.
7. Be careful on the stairs -- they are harder to walk on than it looks.
8. A nice afternoon nap makes it all go away.
9 It is a very nice feeling to have BOTH clean, fresh laundry and a clean fresh, showered self.
10. Do not go for long periods of time without showering. If you ignore this, you will doubtlessly begin to smell.
11. Sing if you feel like it.. even if you can't carry a tune. People who think you sound bad can leave the room.
12. Don't hit your head on a drawer -- it hurts.
13. Don't hit your head on a bedpost (the sharp and pointy edges are especially painful)
14. For that matter, don't hit your head on anything -- too many head traumas can tend to lead you towards a life of mental instability
15. Back rubs are the way to go. You feel good and kind and helpful when you give one, and to receive one is a very good way to loosen up the tension and relax.
16. Smelly dogs smell up pillows and blankets.
17. Chocolate is good.
18. Too much chocolate is bad.
19. It is dark at night. If that scares you, take a flashlight.
20. Dropping the clock radio is not a good thing. It might not work so well after that.
21. For that matter, dropping most any electronic device is not so good. They cease to function after a few times of tumbling to the ground. The force of impact is rather destructive. This applies to answering machines, too.
22. Don't buy $2.67 champagne.
23. Every beverage tastes better when you drink it out of a sippy mug.
24. Pain is bad. Avoid it at all costs.
25. If you don't know what it is/how it works, don't touch it. This especially goes for foods -- if you can't tell what it is without help from the menu or if you have to ask, don't eat it.
26. It is good to have some time to yourself to be alone, despite what they may tell you.
27. Do not eat spaghetti or any other messy food when you are all dressed up, like for juries and stuff.
28. If your paint is not strong, you can't hang up a towel hook with that foamy sticky stuff. It will fall off and pull the paint with it.
29. Pancakes with cut up bananas and warm strawberry preserves are really yummy.
30. Keep around a big shoe in case you run into a huge bug in the middle of the night and need to smash it.
31. Fruit, as with most things, is much better dipped in chocolate> Here is a recipe for a very tasty chocolate sauce for dipping fruit and such: 1 small bag Nestle semi-sweet chocolate chips, 1 can Eagle sweetened condensed milk, 1 small jar caramel sauce (ice cream topping). Put this all in a pan of some sort, and stir. Put it in the oven at 375 degrees F for about 20 minutes. Stir again, and dip at will. Strawberries and bananas are the tastiest.
32. Toaster strudel is better for dessert than breakfast.
33. Don't try to match your socks in the dark. You will think you have been successful, but chances are that you really will be wearing two similar, but different colors. Turn on the light to dress your self, or match your socks when you do the laundry.
34. Don't take a steam filled casserole dish out of the oven and try to open it when talking on the phone. It hurts.
35. Not that I did this one, but.... Don't use a wet pot holder or towel to move hot things Water conducts heat (and electricity) so the heat from the hot stuff will go shooting through the cloth and straight to you. OWWW!
36. You can do it, if you wish -- you are not a wiggly fish.
You can do it, you know how -- you are not a big brown cow.
It's fun to have fun but you have to know how. (from The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Seuss)
37. The alphabet song has the same tune as "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."
38. It is good to color and draw pictures. Always keep on hand some crayons and paper or coloring books. But not the activity book kind, those suck.
39. Clean underwear are good. Try to keep some on hand at all times.
40.. Don't let your doggie get fleas. He will itch.
41. Doggies shed a lot. If you have one, it will probably get hair all over you.
42. Brownies are good, but perhaps 15 in one day is a few too many.
43. Don't hit your head on a wall.
44. Don't wear new shoes too long in one day before they get broken in. You can get really big blisters that way.
45. Don't push your girlfriend off of a bed -- she may get really mad at you after she experiences such pain.
46. If there is someone in the world you really care about, be sure that they know it. And don't walk off and leave them unless you mean it.
47. It is not nice to hit.
48. Who needs booze when there is mint chocolate chip ice cream.
49. Don't hit your knee on the counter.
50. If you are alphabetizing things, put them in alphabetical order!
51. Rediscover legos.
52. You should watch what you are doing when you are using big knives. If you dont.. please see Hint #6.
53. It is a great deal of fun to get packages in the mail, even if you had to send them to yourself or order things by mail in order to get them.
54. Do not call people when you are drunk. It is rude.
55. Do not call people at four in the morning. It is rude. Unless they work nights, that is.
56. Do not drop a crock pot lid on your toe, particularly not if it is vertical. Apparently, broken toes like that hurt a lot.
57. No matter how excited you are, do not knock over the water pitcher with your frantic gesturing.
58. Don't fall asleep while talking to someone on the phone. It's just plain rude.
59. You should eat almost everyday.
60. Sleep is your friend.
61. Always take your keys, even if you are just stepping out for a breath of fresh air. Because, doors sometimes accidentally get locked. Especially if your windows in your house are high up... and your azz is too fat to hoist yourself up to it..and you don't have a ladder. And your roommate wont be home for a few hours... and you have to pee..
62. Curtains are good to have in your house, particularly if you want to walk around naked but don't want to develop a "special" relationship with the neighbors.
63. If you are scared of the freedom your housemates may feel, don't put up curtains. Better to save yourself than the neighbors.
67. It is worth the extra 20 cents or so to get name brand instant pudding..and Pop Tarts.. And cheesecake is not a good flavor for pudding or Pop Tarts.
68. There is a direct relationship between the amount of pretty colors in and the painfulness of any boo-boo. For example, if the cartoon Band-Aid is less colorful than that which it is covering, you will not want to touch that area for several weeks.
69. Don't fall down the stairs.
70. Don't hit your head on a drawer. Or a door. Or anything else, for that matter.
71. Do not kick a rotten plum unless you want gooey plum guts all over your shoe.
72. If someone sends you a URL to a gruesome picture, DON'T LOOK AT IT! It may very well ruin your day.
73. If you are averting your eyes from the scary/creepy/spooky part of a movie, don't "just take a quick peek" through your fingers. Just don't do it!
74. It ain't nice to poke fun at the fraidy-cats amongst you.
75. Be warned: When you are singing in the shower or while cruising down the highway, everything will seem to be within your vocal range. When you get up to sing in front of people, it's not that way anymore.
76. You should really try to leave your house (or apartment, dorm, etc.) every single day. Best if you get up and move around while you are leaving your house.
77. Knowing where to look or whom to ask is just as .. or maybe more.. important than knowing the answer.
78. Everyone needs somebody they can call in the middle of the night.
79. You should sleep every day.
80. You should eat every day.
81. You should leave the house every day.
82. It seems silly to have to say it, but it needs to be said, so here goes: "Don't fall down and skin your knee." While I'm at it, better say "Don't fall down" and "Don't skin your knee, or any other body part," too.
83. Don't get your entire foot bitten off by a shark. Even if they manage to retrieve and re-attach the foot, you'll have to wear funny shoes forever.
84. If you are cooking with hot peppers, which is strongly not advised, you must wear rubber gloves while handling them. The same chemicals which make your mouth say "Eyeyeye! Get me something to drink! And Fast!" will also make your eyes strongly believe they have been thrust into a raging fire. If you should happen to get the juices and oils on your hands, make sure not to touch your face or spread the juices around.
85. Food poisoning. Not good. Stay away from it.
86. If it doesn't work, try plugging it in. Hint: Some electronic devices of interest have at least two plugs -- one for power and one for some kind of signal.
87. If it still doesn't work, turn it off and then turn it back on (this may be referred to as "power cycling").
88. Usually you should turn it off before plugging or unplugging.
89. Just say "no" to lunchroom meatloaf.
90. Always have someone good to blame it on.
91. If your child is not capable of sitting quietly for 2-3 hours, by all means, leave him home with a babysitter. It is not fair to all the other event-goers to bring little Jimmy and allow him to kick seat backs, play loud video games, or whine during the performance.
92. Do not refuse to go to any restaurant that doesn't have a crowd and then whine about having to wait for a table or that the waiter is too busy to give you his undivided attention.
93. Try not to appear as though you left half of your dress (or any ensemble, really) at home. This rule applies even if you are going to a meat market bar, with the express purpose of "hooking up".
94. You can only get away with so much make-up during the day. More is okay at night, when it will be much less visible because it will be dark.
95. If you are 15, more make-up will not make you look older, just more like a whore.
96. If you are 35+, more make-up will not make you look younger, just older and more like a very wrinkly whore. This is clearly not the look you are going for (except, perh
aps, on Halloween).
97. Hairy backs on men.. always bad!! Hairy backs on women.. so much worse!!
98. Pedicures cost a lot because no one wants to play with your stinky feet.
99. Pencil smudges. Use permanent ink for permanent writing.
100. A good diet should consist of more than Diet Coke and Oreos.
101. Treadmills make great clothes hangers.
102. You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose - George Carlin.
103. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
First Steps First
When you have come to the edge of all the light you know,
And are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something Solid to stand on,
or you will be taught to fly.